You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
