WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
