Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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