My room smells like vodka and shame
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Houston, we have a blender
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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