The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
