Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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