weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups