She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it