She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
