I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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