Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
