He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize