Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fill condoms, not promises.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize