so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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