seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
