Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
