life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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