things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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