if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am naked and annoyed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
