i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He passed out mid-signature
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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