Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
