shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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