Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
