There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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