Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
