Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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