Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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