Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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