Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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