the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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