ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
