i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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