I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
