Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
