I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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