So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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