sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Boobs are out for the taking
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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