ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
