I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
