he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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