i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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