What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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