They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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