dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
