Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
there is puke in my bra ... again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
