oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
