I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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