3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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