The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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