Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
