All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
