I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
