Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
