I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
