so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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