This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
