So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
