We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
