**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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