i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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