i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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