'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
