a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
