Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
