How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
