the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
