as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
