i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
