I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize