i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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