i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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