She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
