i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
